Words.

They hold so much power, don’t they?

They hold the power to end a life, change a belief system, they can empower action against wrong, or insight change to save something or someone.

A nasty word spoken can do so much damage to a person, but when done so repeatedly, any positive words that are said can have no meaning at all. They can do so much psychological damage to a person.

How you deliver those words can have a huge impact too.

Spoken in a demeaning way, they can strip a person of their self-worth and their confidence. But when spoken with love and encouragement can create change and strength.

We’ve all heard the saying, it’s not what you say but how you say it.

I’ve said it to my kids, many times, I’ve said it in my workplace too and I’m sure it was said to me as a child also. But it holds so much truth.

One of my kids has always struggled to communicate without offending people because of the way they speak. It’s not that they’re deliberately being rude or disrespectful, and trust me there are times when it is deliberate. But at other times they are simply just answering a question or speaking what’s on their mind without thought as to how it’s spoken or heard from others around them.

I’ve had many occasions where I’ve asked, “Did you hear how you sounded just then?” and the response was “What? I answered you”

Some would say that allowing that kind of behavior is wrong and that I needed to discipline them because of it.

But I understand that in their mind, they weren’t doing anything wrong because there was no malice behind it. Punishing them because of their tone would do more damage than teaching them to be more aware of how they speak.

I was able to recognize when it was deliberate because that is my job, to learn who my children are becoming and guide them into being the best version of themselves.

A lack of words can have a huge impact on a person too. When a child is desperate to hear certain words from their parents, but never gets them, it can change that child’s life forever, and have devastating effects.

Lack of words in a workplace can change an employee’s attitude to their job.

When a leader has the power to change people’s belief systems or opinions, it can have devastating effects.

You only have to watch the six o’clock news to see the evidence of that. Even when we are factually told something, to deliver information, it can change so much. We put so much trust in those reports but over the last few years, it only had me questioning why I keep watching. I realized that it was only inducing fear in people.

I was brought up with that popular saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

And I try my hardest to live my life this way. Even when nasty words are thrown my way, what is the point in saying nasty things back? It never makes you feel good, often you are saying sorry for it afterward anyway, so why bother?

Next time you are listening to something or someone, ask yourself how much power you are giving those words over you. Are they kind? Are they leading you down a destructive path? Do they come from Love? Do they hold the Truth? Do they encourage you to do better? Or worse?

I think everyone has been hurt by words, and it can be hard to accept. But finding strength in not giving them power is something else.

I saw an interview once with an actress, and I remember how much it impacted me so clearly. I search for it often because it still holds so much truth and with truth comes power. Power in knowledge.

Anyway, she was saying that if a person comes up to you screaming at you in another language, you don’t care what they are saying, you might even laugh at them, but if that same person came up to you and screamed at you in a language you understand, you may take offense to it, why? Because you give the words power, you give the words meaning. They know what they are saying, in either language, but as soon as you take the value of their words away, it means nothing.

Don’t allow nasty words to affect you. Drop their meaning to the floor and walk away.

There is a huge amount of power in that, a huge amount of freedom in that. It’s something I strive for. You can’t stop it from happening in your life altogether either, you need to remember that. People will try to cut you down, but learning to recognize what is happening is key.

I’ve allowed myself to give words too much power over me in the past, and it’s led me down a very destructive path. Even though I’ve learned to manage it a little better, it can still affect me.  A very big part of why is because I’m a very emotional person. And I’m learning to not let that emotion get the better of me.

Some days are hard. Some days are easy.

On those hard days, we need to remember to be kind to ourselves. I’ve had so many days and nights that I’ve torn myself apart, ripped any self-esteem I had to shreds. Why? Because I let myself be hurt by words. Because I felt like I was weak. I had, at times, cut myself down with nasty words.

We can be our own worst enemy.

This is why at the end of my posts, I remind you to be kind to yourself, it is as much for me as it is for you. I need that reminder too. I remind myself I’m allowed to make mistakes, I’m allowed to have hard days and to feel emotionally weak, or mentally weak.

Those moments won’t last forever. Although I can tell you that sometimes they feel like they will. But they don’t. I’ve slowly changed that negative monolog in my head to be more positive. How? By using positive affirmations, surround myself with my faith and inspirational stories, videos, and anything that had a huge positive impact on my life. I removed anything that had a negative feel to it. That isn’t easy either, but when you are aware of how words affect you, you become more aware of what is good for you and/or bad for you.

So, I challenge you to use your words positively and to be kind, to yourself, and others. To be encouraging, to show love, to teach, to learn. Even when you have to be stern towards a child, or you need to have a difficult conversation with an adult, remember to try not to allow anger or nastiness into them.

And remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Even now, I still can’t find fault with that.

If you need to reach out, feel free to contact me, I’m always here to help out where I can.

So for now, remember…..

Be kind to yourself x