Being a Mother can be tough. With Mother’s Day around the corner, I battle with the same feelings. Dread and it can be difficult to manage. The feeling comes about two weeks before and hangs over me every day until it’s over.

Society tells us that this is a day to celebrate the mothers of the world. We shower them with flowers, gifts, and special treatment—a day to show them that everything they do for us is acknowleagded and is celebrated.

But Mother’s Day isn’t always a joyous one.

For some women out there, it’s a day of heartache. For many reasons.

I dread Mother’s Day. My very first Mother’s Day was heartbreaking. It wasn’t what society says it should be.

That experience set the tone for every year that has followed. Don’t get me wrong, there were times that day was good. But there was always a shadow over it, a doubt.

I enjoy the moments that aren’t scripted. Those moments when you’re told “Thank you for everything you do for me, Mum” or “You’re the best mum in the world” and it’s said with pure honesty, out of the blue, and it eases those doubts you have over yourself.

But when your babies get older, and it’s not as cool to hang out with your parents, I’ve found myself asking why I should put any effort in to make the day special. I tend to do that for those around me, even though the day is supposed to be for me as the mum, I wanted to make sure everyone enjoyed the day. I didn’t want them to feel guilty for not putting the effort in, so I made all the effort.

But after years of this pattern, I’m feeling tired of it. I’ve asked myself who am I doing it for? How would I feel if I stopped? Why do I continue to hold so much stock in how I, as a mother, should be treated on that day?

So, I unpacked it.

I remember how we treated my mum on Mother’s Day. I remember how my dad would get us all involved in making the day extra special. We would make her breakfast in bed; he would take us shopping so we could pick something out for her. This was the example I had of how a mother should be treated, and cherished. It isn’t just about what society says.

We use what we know right? It’s how we learn what to and what not to accept in relationships we have.

So, my question is how do you let go of that? You can’t. Not really. And why should you? Why bend a belief system? Why bend or compromise on what is acceptable treatment?

But here is the problem right, when you’re the one making it happen the way you want it to, when no one else puts in the effort, it weighs you down. It chips away at you and eats at your belief that you deserve to be loved. You deserve the best.

So, when the time is right, you stop. But at what cost to yourself?

Because to stop behaving a certain way, it highlights the non-behavior of others around you. Then you’re faced with their guilt.

So, you need to set yourself a boundary, and you need to be and feel strength in that boundary.

This can be hard though. Not only do you have to break, and let’s be honest, a bad habit, you have to be strong in not allowing how others feel around you, to affect you. That can be hard as a Mother.

And as an empath, that is incredibly hard to do, at the best of times.

If you were to ask any parent whose children are now adults, they’ll tell you there is a period when your kids will pull away from them. This is a time when they are figuring out who they are, and finding their independence. More times than not, they see things differently when they are adults, or when they become parents themselves.

I have had a few of those moments as an adult myself.

As a parent, letting them find themselves, letting go of that bond you’ve held so close for so many years, is incredibly hard.

You want to hold on to them for as long as you can. It’s a part of who you are as a parent. It’s part of your identity.

But it’s inevitable. It’s a process you have to go through.

It’ll hurt. It’s bound to.

But I hope to find strength in those unscripted moments I mentioned before. I want to find strength in the person I am, the type of mother I am too.

I overthink everything. Should I break this bad habit? Could I set a boundary for myself? Will I be able to cope afterward?

I still haven’t figured that out yet. Mother’s Day is looming, so I’ve still got a couple of weeks left to try to figure it out. So wish me luck.

Until then, If you need to reach out, feel free to contact me, I’m always here to help out where I can.

Always remember,

Be Kind to yourself. x